How To Be A Tomboy

Firstly, I LOVE the fact that Wikipedia has an entry for Tomboy. It does not, however, have an entry for Ultimate Tomboy. But this is what it says:
A tomboy is a girl who exhibits some characteristics and or behavior considered typical of the gender role of a boy, including the wearing of typically masculine-oriented types of clothes and engaging in games and activities that are often physical in nature, and which are considered in many cultures to be the domain of boys.
Although I agree with this entry, I've decided to do a little research myself. After studying my daughter closely for the past week or so, I have come up with this useful guide entitled How To Be A Tomboy.

1. ALWAYS TRY TO BE ONE OF THE GUYS
Hang around with your big brother's mates to a point where they prefer you to him. Be funnier, cooler and better than him at everything. Soon you will be invited to parties and sleepovers and your brother will be left at home with only The Toddler to play with.

2. AVOID WEARING GIRLS CLOTHES LIKE THE PLAGUE
A tiny hint of pink is allowed, perhaps on boxer shorts but dress in football kits, anything with camouflage, Power Rangers dress up and ultimately your big brother's clothes. Choose clothes that allow you to become physically active at the drop of a hat - jeans and trainers are good, pretty dresses with sparkly party shoes are a definite no-no. Before you leave the house ask yourself "If somebody asks me to play football, am I ready to go?". If the answer is NO, then rush back and change into something more appropriate. Oh and definitely shop in the boys section.

3. GET USED TO HEARING BELCHY NOISES AND SMELLING BAD STUFF
Odds are, if you surround yourself with testosterone you're bound to hear unpleasant noises and smell unpleasant things. However have some self-respect, don't do it yourself. But laugh everytime a boy does it.

4. JOIN EVERY SPORTS CLUB THAT YOUR BROTHER IS IN
Football and cricket are cool. Try a martial art. Push your mother to let you go to wrestling club. Show your brother up by being very much better than him at everything.

5. TALK IN A REALLY COOL WAY
Use words like "whatever" and "awesome" and "dude". Don't talk in a high pitched voice and don't be dramatic.

6. AT ALL TIMES TUCK YOUR LONG HAIR INTO A HAT
It's a sure thing that you will be often mistaken for being a boy.

7. ALWAYS WANT TO HANG AT THE SKATE PARK
Even though you're too little to skate board. Show off in front of the teenagers. Try dangerous stuff that makes your mother go a bit flappy. Sing Avril Lavigne's "SK8er Boy" at all times.

8. RUN A LOT
And run FAST. Faster than your brother who is two years older. Always make sure the boys are surprised when they are passed by a Tomboy.

9. FOR SWIMMING IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE
Wear board shorts or all in one Spiderman costume. Sometimes wear this to go to the park.

10. DON'T BE AFRAID TO PUSH BOUNDARIES
Get down and dirty - always make sure you are grass stained. Steal a little. Tell lies. Push your dress sense to the point where it includes pyjama tops worn as shirts.

The ultimate goal of a Tomboy is to be always mistaken for a boy. Five times in one week is great. And even better if you start calling yourself MAX and only answer to this name. But above all, surprise your mother every day by pushing things even further. Only then will you be crowned Ultimate Tomboy.