CHILDBIRTH ISN'T THE MIRACLE - SURVIVING PARENTHOOD IS

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

The Church Of Ministry Of Mum

Since reading so much in the press recently about Scientology, I'm thinking about getting in on a piece of the action myself. My summer wardrobe is looking a bit sparse and is so last season that what better way to fund my shopping than setting up a cult. Yes, I chose to have children but I never chose to have them unfashionably. So I'm wondering about turning Ministry Of Mum into a cult because I need to make some money.

I was having a little moan about my husband last week to a friend and he said "Mmm you're okay living off him though, aren't you?" and I was shocked. Shocked because it's true and shocked because I realised that not having my own money is CRAP. Occasionally my husband will ask me where the money has gone and I rarely have any answers even though I know this question is due. He thinks I spend it on clothes and accessories although I insist that a) I've had this frock for ages and b) It was in the sale, only a fiver, would ya believe it.

I am desperate for some cash of my own although I don't particularly want a job. So I've been thinking that by expanding my blog into a cult - The Church Of Ministry Of Mum - I can get me some dosh. I am happy to be the authoritarian, charismatic leader as long as you guys, as faithful followers, pay me. It's worked for L. Ron Hubbard so why can't it work for me too.

So here is the outline for The Church Of Ministry Of Mum:
Meetings round my house, no kids allowed.
Gin & Tonics provided, with nibbles.
Moaning encouraged.
Be honest about your parenting.
Never judge, especially when someone makes a parenting confession.
Respect each other and understand that we once had a life.
Share excuses on how to get out of The Special Love.
Promise we won't harm anyone, husbands being the exception of course.
Never ever have a Silent Birth and actually never be silent.
Make sure we snog the face off any celebrity dads who join (preferably Tom Cruise).
A small subscription fee will be charged, as long as it funds my frocks.

Are you brainwashed yet? Hope so. I've got my eye on a nice green maxi dress.

14 comments:

  1. you got me hooked at moaning encouraged! I could win an olympic gold if that was a sport!
    x

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    1. For a tenner you can be a member!

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  2. You are my leader, you are my leader, you are my leader.
    What time is our first meeting?
    Mwah

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  3. All hail the great leader
    All hail the great leader

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  4. All hail the great leader
    All hail the great leader

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  5. Are men allowed in, even though they (mostly) can't moan about or harm their husbands?

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  6. I'm with you! Gin, nibbles and moaning - perfect. When's the first meeting and can I pay in monopoly money?

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  7. Moaning AND G&Ts? I love this religion!! Count me in!

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  8. Count me in where do I send me tenner to? haha

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  9. I like the no kids part, can we also make sure we talk about non baby stuff as well? It gets a bit boring after a while

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  10. Anoop Singh-Best25 July 2012 at 02:35

    Can I change my name to Serendipity and wear a skirt made of hemp?....
    If so I'm so in....

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  11. I'll join but can I have JD & coke instead of G&T? I can provide my own nibbles
    My children are older so I have years more experience of getting out of special love so maybe I could be a guest speaker? (I'm thinking of my speaker's fee here!)

    Jakixx

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  12. Can I write the hymns? Please, please! I'm ace at rhyming off-the-cuff evangelical worship songs!

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